But let me clear one thing up first. When I refer to Feminism I am talking about 2nd wave feminism, not the Suggragettes. Understanding 2nd wave feminism is crucial to making sense of everything that is happening to marriage and relationships today.

The article about Russia helps to understand Marxist thinking, an ideology that is alive and well today. It may be in a different wrapper and presented with a smile, but marketing style doesn’t alter the final product.

A good place to start would be with Erin Pizzey, the founder of the first womens refuge in Chiswick London. Her story brings a panoramic view to all who look at this topic through the lens of he mainstream media

To understand what is happening, first we have to read the minutes of the last meeting.

No idea what magazines you are referring to but suspect none of them would count as ‘feminist’ in my book. Mainstream female magazines which I take to be your culprits here are pretty much a product of a male dominated consumerist society in my book, and the notions of entitlement to personal happiness pervade society as whole – both men and women, adults and children, albeit expressed by the different sexes in different ways.

The wide range of ‘legitimate excuses’ for leaving a relationship you refer to are equally available to both men and women, and in my experience utilised by both.

7 out of 10 divorces may well be initiated by women, but that tells us little about the causes of relationship breakdown. What it may indicate however is that women are disproportionately financially vulnerable on separation and divorce and need to initiate proceedings in order to access legal redress in respect of financial relief or injunctive protection. That no doubt is not the only reason but it is a real factor. I don’t suggest that this is the case, but of course one could use the stat of 7 in 10 to argue that men make less satisfying spouses than women, rather than that women per se are less easily satisfied.

I’m afraid I have NO idea of the relevance of your link to an article on Russia in 1926 – I am struggling to see how it helps us to understand modern marriage in England & Wales. Who is advocating the abolition of marriage? I am certainly not (my husband will be pleased).

So whilst I share your sadness at the decline of marriage and of the longevity of relationships in general, I don’t want to return to a situation where someone in an abusive or destructive relationship is unable to escape. And I don’t think its helpful or fair to point the finger at women (or feminism) for that decline. It is tempting for every person who has suffered the breakdown of a relationship to feel that their experience is one instance of a template repeated up and down the country – but it’s not so simple. Relationships are complex and the generalised levelling of blame is not only uninformative but also reductive. It doesn’t do justice to the individual families so profoundly affected.

But this is all too heavy for a Sunday evening. So I’m going to sign off.

Best wishes.

Allow me to explain. The reason I described running to the solicitors as the soft option is because it is far easier than the hard slog of counselling which involves self examination and a degree of introspection that is not encouraged in our society.

In my experience the stereoype image of hubby dumping wifey for a younger model is not as prevalent as we are led to believe. Nearer to the truth is that our society has been sold a lie about our entitlement to personal happiness and is espoused in many feminist magazines.

As a result, there is now a wide range of legitimate excuses available designed to alleviate any old fashioned feelings of guilt They start from “not feeling appreciated” to allegations of sexual abuse, real, imagined or made up.

The reason I said, “mothers in particular” is because the stats I frequently read are that 7 out of 10 divorces are initiated by mothers. Possibly you have more accurate figures but these serve my purpose. I am sure of one thing however that the deadbeat dads are outnumbered by mothers who just want to move on to another relationship.

Sadly, whenever divorce is discussed on television , the happiness of children is never factored in to the equation.

But the evidence is out there on the streets as teenagers use alcohol to blot out negative emotions they cannot process internally or articulate.

We have been here before and it didn’t work then. Why would it work today?
http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/26jul/russianwoman.htm

And of course you take my quote out of context (I’m not sure why you have commented on the ‘About’ page rather than at the site of the quote itself which I can’t immediately locate) – what I believe I was referring to was a number of comments from mothers about absentee fathers (but which would apply equally to absentee mothers) opining about the inability of the law to compel an absent parent to spend time with his or her child. There are such absentee parents. Do you criticise the parent left holding the baby for wishing that their child had two parents in their life? A law may not be the answer but the sentiment is surely valid.

What I don’t understand is why in any sense your comment is directed at ‘mothers in particular’. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I think I probably do understand it, but I challenge its validity.

Well familoo, there used to be a mechanism and it was called marriage. My wish is that couples, but mothers in particular, understood precisely what they are doing to their children when they choose the soft option and run to the solicitor.

Of course if you come from the school of thought that believes there is such a thing as a “well managed divorce” that will have no adverse effect on the children, it is unlikely you will be convinced. I can understand why some people hold this view because the time lag between cause and effect is considerable. There is also an accumulative effect called the cycle of deprivation. Maybe if reps from the legal profession got together with independent, non governmental psychologists, a coherent plan might emerge that does not abuse children. Because that is exactly what the present system is doing. “The Best Interest Of The Children”…don’t make me laugh.